Since I've shared who I am here on (Gay) Mormon Guy, I've wondered what my place is here in the gay / Mormon community. For the last few years, I've tried to make (Gay) Mormon Guy be everything to everyone. A place to find a friend for people who want someone to talk to. A reliable, understandable (albeit unofficial) source of doctrine. A place to feel the Spirit. Explanations on what it's like in my life to live with same-gender attraction. Help with coping with depression and temptations.
But the world is changing. I used to think I needed to be everything to everyone, because it was so hard to find the pieces all put together. But with the changing world, the landscape of the world of LDS members with same-sex attraction is dramatically different from where it was when I started writing two-and-a-half years ago.
Northern Lights, the blogging group for North Star, has started up again, with stories from men and women all over the world. The Voices of Hope project is building a repository of 1000 stories of valiant faith and homosexuality. The Church launched a new site Mormons and Gays that organizes the doctrine of the Church and has the power of apostles speaking personally to the subject. And dozens of new personal blogs have been written - each sharing what it's like to live and love the gospel with same-gender attraction.
Part of me wants to believe that it's time for me to just disappear from this world. Except for one thing: I was just prompted to share who I am with the world. If God had expected me to disappear, He wouldn't have had me post about it on Facebook. There's no turning back now.
So I find myself wondering who I'm supposed to be. What I'm supposed to be doing. Where I should focus my efforts. Should I join the ranks of groups like USGA? The leadership team of North Star? Go out and write about experiential things like Journey into Manhood or whatever else? Organize outreach firesides? Just continue writing?
They're all good things. But which ones are best for me and my life?
I've taken the question to the temple, tried to figure out where I should go, and wondered more than anything. I feel like the Lord has specific goals for me. Specific things He wants me to do. I just need to figure them out and do them.
Then this week someone asked me to teach Elder's Quorum. Lesson 24 from the George Albert Smith manual... and in that lesson I found the answer to my prayer.
"Make your influence felt."
In those words are all the answers I've needed. I can be an influence for good, and do something to lift the world and make a difference in the lives of people around me. And it also holds a confirmation that God has a work for me to do... the promise that He is involved in my life... and will make it happen.